Assertiveness Skills Training
Have you ever wished you had handled a difficult situation better?
Be more effective, positive and competent in the workplace. Understand the benefits of assertive behaviour and know how to recognise aggressive and submissive actions in yourself and others. You will learn how to say no effectively, give and receive criticism and deal with fear.
What will delegates get out of the course?
- Clear understanding of exactly what assertive behaviour is
- Knowledge of the six types of assertiveness and when to use them
- Confidence to speak and act assertively
- Ability to deal with fearful situations
- Assertiveness Skills to stay calm in difficult circumstances
- Ability to say ‘no’ firmly and tactfully
Are you in need of a more effective and dynamic way to communicate with people in your workplace? Do you sometimes have difficulty in differentiating between being assertive and being aggressive towards others?
Are you sometimes labelled as demanding and overbearing? Do you have a hard time speaking up in the workplace or when you do does it lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication? Are you having a hard time saying “no”?
This course will teach you proper techniques to be more assertive in the workplace: it would teach you the difference between being aggressive, submissive and assertive and how you can apply them in situations within your organisation and when dealing with external clients. The course also outlines methods on how you could develop a practical, personal action plan on how to deal with persistent people, how to manage feedback and how to use assertive behaviour to achieve win-win situations.
Why assertiveness training is important?
Assertiveness communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. Assertiveness training allows us to take responsibility for our actions and ourselves without judging or blaming other people. Is is these assertiveness skills that allow us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.
So why use assertive communication?
All of us use assertive behaviour at times... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour. Fully understanding assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of it, it enables us to swap our old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.
The advantages of assertive communication
There are many advantages of assertive communication:
It helps us feel good about others and ourselves
It leads to a mutual respect with others
It increases our self-esteem
It helps us achieve our goals
It minimises hurting and alienating other people
It reduces anxiety
It protects us from being taken advantage of by others
It enables us to effectively express, both verbally and non-verbally, a wide range of feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative
What assertive communication is not...
Assertive communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone; most importantly it's NOT being aggressive.
It is about choice.
There are four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ.
- Direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing
- Indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing
- Submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic
- Assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous
Characteristics of assertive communication
There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:
1.Eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
2.Body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
3.Gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
4.Voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
5.Timing: use your judgement to maximise receptivity and impact
6.Content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important
than WHAT you say
The importance of “I” statements
Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using “I” statements. This indicates ownership, does not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direct and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.
Strong “I” statements have three specific elements:
Behaviour
Feeling
Tangible effect (consequence to you)
Example: "I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."
Six techniques for assertive communication
There are six assertive techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.
1. Behaviour Rehearsal: which is literally practising how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use “I” statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behaviour you wish to confront.
2. Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.
Example:
"I would like to show you some of our products"
"No thank you, I'm not interested"
"I really have a great range to offer you"
"That may be true, but I'm not interested at the moment"
"Is there someone else here who would be interested?"
"I don't want any of these products"
"Okay, would you take this brochure and think about it?"
"Yes, I will take a brochure"
"Thank you"
"You're welcome"
3. Fogging: this technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the judge of your choice of action. An example of this could be, "I agree that there are probably times when I don't give you answers to your questions.
4. Negative enquiry: this technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. An example of this technique would be, "So you think/believe that I am not interested?"
5. Negative assertion: this technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious; this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say."
6. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An example of this technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?"
Conclusion
Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. Its application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, others may perceive your sudden use of assertiveness as an act of aggression.
There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles appropriately.
"Nothing on earth can stop the individual with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the individual with the wrong mental attitude" - W.W. Ziege
When you match consumer psychology with effective communication styles you get a powerful combination. As with many professional skills, positivity is the key to assertiveness. Know your limits and stick to them, and don't be afraid to have your voice heard or your opinion valued.
